I’m now three months into working with three different specialists on a newly discovered condition—a leg length discrepancy— with not much change in my level of pain. How is it that nothing is working? I’m fed up with my body. I just want to feel better. Why can’t you cooperate? I’m doing my stretches along with yoga, and I’m getting massages, chiropractic work, and acupuncture. This was months ago now and I’ve learned a few things through this journey, I’m going to share with you.

My Story Of Loving My Pain

First, I listened to everyone else, following along with yoga instructors, asking my doctors what was wrong. It got to a point when I realized I wasn’t actually listening to my body. I then began to tell my doctors what I thought was going on. I spoke about how I believe the mind and body are interconnected. I realized I was avoiding my needs. I wanted my pain to be gone so badly that I wasn’t present with it. While doing all this work on my body, I was getting about 3-4 hours/wk of coaching and therapy, so the internal work was going on simultaneously.

I remember coming out of a chiropractic appointment thinking, “I am whole and healed.” I realized I was attached to being in pain, and I could see that I really wanted to let it go. I was ready.

The second shift occurred when I changed my yoga practice after this day. I stopped following along with a teacher online. I turned on music and listened to what my body needed. I stayed in positions that wanted more attention. I stretched in ways I hadn’t in a while. I mixed yoga with strength training and with dance. Damn, it began to feel good to be in my body.

After changing how I was present in my body, there was a shift in my mindset. I have a mindset practice that includes reviewing a list of decisions in the morning before I start my day. I record them every once in a while to play back to myself. As I spoke out, “I listen to the wisdom in pain & choose health,” I began to cry. I remembered that there is wisdom in pain. It is here for a reason.

Do You Not Have Time To Feel & Be Present With Pain?

So often, we don’t got time to listen to what we don’t want in our lives.

⚡How often have you ignored a need of yours because it was inconvenient?

⚡How about a need that you thought was childish, asking for too much, or was irrational?

⚡Or what about a desire that you felt would be too hard to fulfill, that you thought was too big to undertake?

We do this all the time with painful, difficult, or inconvenient things in one way or another.

When we love something it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend time with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it.

— M. Scott Peck

How to Feel Better

Instead of pushing away what we don’t want, could we pull it in with compassionate arms?

Often there is wisdom in our pain. What if it is signaling to you something essential about your wellbeing—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically? 

If you want to feel better start loving yourself through spending time with and taking care of yourself. This is self-love and self-care!

love.

love is not the absence of darkness
we cannot know the joy in it
without its darker side
suffering has its beauty
its necessity
could love then be
the acceptance of it all?
turning toward the pain
not in despise but through love
asking, who is upset here?
what do you need?
I’m here for you
we’ll get through this.

Now isn’t this different than the conventional approach that asks, what’s wrong here? When we approach emotional and physical pain looking for a problem, we may not actually hear the wisdom in the symptom. This is why asking, “Who’s upset here” is better.

Is there a part of you that is resisting your health care plan? A part of you that has one foot on the brake? Maybe because they actually have a key piece of information that is essential for moving forward?

If you would like support as you heal your emotional pain (it is intrinsically tied up with physical pain), let’s get on a phone call to see how I can help you. For more information on coaching, read it here.

Would you like to know a secret to feeling really good about yourself? Beware once you fully grasp this secret you will have a renewed sense of power. You will have the keys to unlock the victimhood cage that we can easily find ourselves in. This cage sneaks up on all of us. The secret is not about focusing on the positive in your life. It’s not about boasting your ego or loving yourself more. Sure these are great things, but they don’t clear the clutter that gets in the way of you saying yes to your most vibrant life. Instead, the secret is grounded in something way more instinctual, something inherent in your power as a human being: your power to choose. 

Your Freedom Lies In Your Subtle Choices

We are always making decisions. Even when we are indecisive, we are choosing not to choose. The one basic thing all of us have in common is our power to make internal decisions about our character, our beliefs, our values, and our experience of things. These are the choices I’m talking about here. These internal decisions are subtle, but by no means are they small!

Subtle choices hold the power to open our lives to the freedom we truly desire: the freedom to live with an open-heart full of passion, purpose, and play on our own terms. 

Who’s ready to feel more grounded, in integrity with yourself, and really let bliss permeate your cells?

I sure the hell am!!! 

Be Aware of These 4 Human Pitfalls

First off, let’s look at these 4 distortions that can get in the way of our power to make an internal decision for our wellbeing. When we are under stress we can slip into these ways of thinking easily. 

1. Our happiness and wellbeing is dependent on something in the future and/or outside of ourselves.

This one is a sneaky bastard. You may think you are being wise, that you are motivating yourself to get to a goal, but this is a decision you’re making. You are saying I can’t be happy until ____.

You won’t be free of this vicious cycle unless you decide to be now. Also, watch out for sayings like, “I can’t feel ____ until they _____” or “If they didn’t ____ then I wouldn’t be _____.”  You absolutely have autonomy over your energy. We’re human, reality affects us, but we don’t have to stay in an emotional, reactive place. Release whatever baggage you have tied up with your wellbeing. If you get stuck here often, it’s okay, get yourself a coach or a therapist who can help you untangle this way of thinking so you can reclaim your emotional wellbeing. If you’re interested in an introduction to taking back control of your life while in relationships check out the book Codependent No More. 

2. Always looking for and seeing what is wrong

It is a survival instinct from our reptilian brain to be on the look out for danger. It’s normal, but if you’re like me you want to be the best version of yourself you can in this lifetime. Also, depending on your childhood and your life experience you can have an overreactive nervous system that easily goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode. This can cause someone to become hyper-vigilant to threats, either external or internal. 

I am a recovering problem solver. I’m the friend you come to brainstorm and figure out how to solve your problems, BUT a lot of things in this world, things that really matter, are not solvable. When it comes to living soul-centered and with an open-heart we do not approach life from this hyper-rational lens. Girl, you gotta tell the boss in you to sit the fuck down sometimes. 

3. Fear of the consequences of making a choice

Caroline Myss in her Ted Talk, Choices That Can Change Your Life, says, “Choice is the most powerful thing we got going for us and we know it. And that’s the reason why we’re terrified to make a choice…. Terrified of being held accountable to the consequences.”

We all have fear when we make decisions, when we say yes to something or someone. Of course, depending on the vastness of the choice we are making, it may feel heavier or lighter. If you’re thinking well what about big decisions—ones like moving to a new city, getting married, and changing careers—I’m here to relieve the weight of the consequences from these. There’s no such thing as a big decision in which you make once and don’t look back. Everyday you make choices. You re-decide what you are committing to. As you go through the keys to unlocking the victimhood cage, you’ll discover that when our decisions are grounded in our values the consequences of them are easier to take responsibility for.

4. Making a decision one way because the other way is bad

Do you know why you get an icky feeling about positive affirmations? I can tell you why. When used incorrectly, we deny what we perceive as bad. You want to make sure you are not letting this black and white thinking dominate your decisions. For example, I see the good in circumstances or I am excellent at my job. If there is a lot of emotion involved it means you’ve hit a complex and there is more than meets the eye. You can’t just wish away negative beliefs you have about yourself with positive affirmations. I think we can choose positivity in a way that honors all that is. To change those decisions to one’s that are more inclusive they would be: I choose to come back to the wisdom I learn in my circumstances and I choose to work toward excellence in all that I do. 

 The 3 Keys to Freeing Yourself from Your Victimhood Cage

Key #1 Focus on What You Can Control

I got these three choices from Eckhart Tolle in his book, The Power of Now. We only have these three choices in any given situation. Ahhh—what a relief! If you’ve had some difficulty in “trying” to change a situation read The Truth About “Trying”.

1. You can change the situation

Now, I’m not saying to control the situation (i.e., manipulate, demand, coerce) only for your benefit. In life, we are always in relationship. Every decision we make influences others.

Thus within this choice, we honor both who within us is feeling like this situation is not ideal and the other people involved. Be open to seeing new perspectives: is there a shift you can make internally that will change how you behave and possibly change how other’s respond? Do you need to be flexible in the outcome, taking into account other’s wishes and needs? Is there a need or value you have that is not being honored? If yes, communicate it. If there is any uncertainty knowing what you need/want, I suggest you find someone who can hold space for you to explore this while helping you see the situation from many angles. Someone like a coach, a therapist, or a friend who listens without jumping in to give advice.

2. You can leave the situation

Depending on how you usually react to intolerable situations, this can be a sound option. If you have already tried to change the situation and you cannot accept it, let me give you permission to leave. You have to honor what is real within you. If you keep finding yourself in scenarios where you have to leave, it may be wise to look at how you got there. Do you accept everything until you can’t take it anymore? Can you do anything right now to remedy the situation?

This option can be hard, as you are leaving behind what you know, and stepping into a new chapter. It may be wise to get a coach or a therapist as you make the transition. You have the power to leave, so you can yes to something different.

3. You can accept the situation

I’m not an advocate for settling for less than what you want or need, but often we put a lot of energy into trying to control and change external things when they really don’t have that much relevance over our wellbeing. We just think they do. What would it be like to stop resisting what is? What if you accepted the cards that you were dealt? I learned how to accept situations when I was in tech school in the Air Force. I recall, while marching to school, a loud siren going off. Another airman was huffing and puffing in front of me, and I could sense everyone’s tension. I smiled and thought wow this spiritual stuff really works; I feel totally content in my body despite the intolerable circumstances. 

Key #2 Be Real & Listen to Your Whole Self

Are you available for what you want? We may make a choice to be more adventurous in bed, but if we do not prioritize letting loose, we are going to have a hard time being adventurous. We can sabotage our intentions when we are not checking in on our energy, time & structure in our daily lives, or any objections in the mind and heart. This is why affirmations don’t usually work. You repeat a sentence but there are opposing forces below the surface against that very affirmation.

If you want a decision to be firm, you must tend to the parts of you that don’t want it to be so. We have many sides to us that all need and want different things. Often an inner rebel or inner child have something to say about the matter. They need to be brought on board or least told what is going to happen. 

Working with another coach, Diana, has helped me discover how I can make better decisions for myself. Ask yourself these questions to hear from your whole self pertaining to a decision you are wanting to make: Why am I making this decision? What is real for me right now? What do I need to be okay with this decision (emotionally, physically)?

Key #3 Affirm & Practice Your Choices Regularly

New Moon Ritual – Reconnecting with What Matters

In this article, I’ll give you the low down on what authentic living is all about, the difference between fact and truth, and then we’ll dive into the New Moon Ritual (which can be performed anytime of the month when you want to move some stagnant energy and reconnect with what matters).

Let’s start the conversation with a simple question, one that drops us into what this article is all about:

If you knew that there was no wrong way to be in the world, how would you show up differently?

Get ready because you’re about to reconnect with your authentic self!

Being our authentic self doesn’t mean we have ONE authentic expression.

That is absurd.

Instead, it means honoring what is present in us—what we are feeling, thinking, sensing—while bringing in intelligence around it. 

It requires us to feel safe, first and foremost, and to let our armor down. We cannot witness what is going on in our inner world if we are guarded even to ourselves!

Then instead of judging what is happening, we stay curious: What is going on? Why is this coming up right now? 

We can honor authenticity (a.k.a. getting real with what is and accepting the present moment) in our relationship with ourselves and others. 

Fact vs. Truth

Before diving into the new moon ritual, I want to talk about what is real. In Jungian psychology, there is an emphasis on the reality of the psyche. I’ll give you a very in-the-face example to distinguish between fact and truth:

Jane went to sleep mad at her partner, and she had a dream that she killed him. Jane wakes up and thinks, “damn, is this true? Do I really want to kill him?” Of course, she wouldn’t, and she doesn’t really want to. So the dream is not true in the literal sense. But there is something factual about the dream. She really did have this dream. That is a fact.

Toni Morrison describes the difference between truth and fact eloquently in her essay, The Site of Memory. Alongside describing her writing process, she emphasizes that fiction is not making shit up. She says, “I consider that my single gravest responsibility (in spite of that magic) is not to lie.” She further says, “facts can exist without human intelligence, but truth cannot.” So facts are objective; there is no human intelligence in them. Human intelligence requires a level of subjective complexity, of holding contradictory realities at once, of exploring the context in which we find the facts. 

Back to the example:

To get to the truth of the matter about this dream, we start with the image and ask Jane questions like: What was he doing in the dream? What was he saying? How was he being? Have you taken on any of these qualities in your life recently? Why were you mad at your partner before going to sleep? Have you been mad at him for this before? Is there anything in your life that you want to seize to exist? It could not even be her actual partner (our dreams speak in metaphor).

As you can see, the fact that she had a dream that she killed her partner doesn’t mean that she actually wants to kill him. Through suspending our judgment and getting curious about the context in which we find the dream, we may discover a truth.
I say all this to calm your inner critic. When you look at what you’re holding on to in the first part of the new moon ritual, I hope you let down your own internal guard. And if you can’t, that is okay too 😀

Honoring The Messiness of The Work

So there is a reality to what comes up in our psyche (in our dreams, our fantasies, our thoughts, our emotions, our sensations), but it doesn’t have to be true in the literal sense.

A big piece of my work as a Holistic Transformative Coach is honoring and championing the parts of us that have been disowned, hardened, and/or buried.

When we can understand some truth about us that comes from honoring our shadowy parts, we release energy.  Freed energy allows us to show up better in our work, in our relationships, for our creative projects, for our community, etc.

As we stand in our power as women, things will get messy, things will get weird. You are going to stumble on your words; you are going to question if people will accept you; you will turn heads; you will make some people uncomfortable. C’est Le Vie.

All of this is OKAY. Keep going. Show compassion for yourself and others as you honor what is showing up and what is true.

New Moon Ritual

This new moon ritual is an embodiment practice: merging the spirit with matter and the mind with the body. When we involve the body, we create lasting change (The steps below are different than the video. Ultimately, they do the same thing).

1. SHAKE It OFF Ritual

Get ready to shake off whatever is heavy! I see this ritual as a form of detoxication for the soul. It will take roughly 8 mins. 

I. Stand up. Place your hands over your heart and ask yourself, what is coming up right now? What am I carrying that is heavy? What is holding me back from what I want? What is hard right now? Start with just one thought/feeling/sensation/belief at a time. (i.e., I feel like I’m a fraud, or I don’t feel the love I use to for my partner, or I’m grieving a career opportunity, or I have a heavy pressure in my chest). 

If you are able to speak out loud, do that for the full effect. If not, you can say these internally or write them down.

As you speak them, hold onto them, really feel what they are. Where in your body do you feel them?

II. Ask this thought or feeling or sensation, why are you here? Be open to listening without judgement.

III. Ask yourself, what effect does this thought or feeling or sensation have on me? Again, you are just noticing. Do not judge it, especially if the thought or feeling is already a judgment. You don’t want to go down a judgment spiral.

IV. Now that you have some clarity on what is going on here, you are going to let it go. We want to make sure we arn’t denying what is happening when we do this next step. If it doesn’t feel good to let them go yet, don’t. You can let go of them, without denying future feelings. Letting go is not saying something is bad and “shouldn’t” be here.

Say, thank you for coming to me and showing me what you have. I am grateful for your presence. 

Then as you say this following statement, shake the words out of your arms and your legs. Move your body in whatever way feels right. Say: I choose to let you go, so I may experience something different. Imagine you are shaking these out of your body. 

2. INFUSE Your DESIRES Ritual

Now that you have shaken out what you were holding, you are going to explore what it is you want. This ritual will take roughly 5 mins.

I. Sit down in a comfortable position, in a place where you will not be too distracted—ideally a place where you can close your eyes. Wherever you are, feel the support of mother earth below you. Bring your attention to your breathe. Feel the gratitude for the oxygen in the air keeping you alive. Root into your feet, or bum, or both, depending on how you are siting. Feel energy rising from the Earth, entering into your feet or bum, moving through your body, and ascending out of the top of your head. Place your hands on your heart. Connect with your higher power, whatever it is that you would pray to. Say, God, wiser self, source energy, universe, ancestors and angels, please provide guidance for the best interest of myself, others, and mother earth. May all that I previously cleared allow a divine connection to your wisdom.

II. Ask, what do I want to call in in this next cycle in my life? Let yourself be shown this answer, through voices, images, sensations. Sit with it, follow what wants to be followed. Then slowly open your eyes and write this down.

III. Stand up and say, Thank you universe, God, angels, ancestors, Self, higher power, mother nature (whatever you pray to/ belief has power) for granting this so, for it already is so. I am already ____________. I already have _________ in my life. My life already looks like _______. 

IV. Imagine these desires as light surrounding you, then imagine they are seeping into your skin, into your organs, your veins, your blood stream, your cells, and your bones. Feel your body radiating holding your desires.

3. One-on-One Coaching

Sometimes when we have been holding onto things for a while it’s not easy to let go. It’s like ingrained tired tracks, we may want to pave our own path but it’s easy to fall back into what has always been. 

Having a coach keeps you accountable to what you want to change in your life, so you can re-wire your mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns; carving out a different set of tire tracks. 

Sign up for my 4-Month Coaching Program if you’re ready to embody your next-level self here!

Do this ritual around the new moon every month to call in what you want for the next cycle. If you want to learn more about desire, check out my previous post: Why Do You Dare? 

I look forward to seeing more of who you are 🧡
Kristina

From this embodied understanding of your whole self, you can easily and effectively draw upon your deepest wisdom to overcome any stopping blocks and achieve what matters most to you. From our work together, you will emerge fully self-innovative and well equipped to be highly effective in any aspect of your life, for the rest of your life.

My Journey to Whole Person Coaching

When I was in the military, I discovered I loved personal development, spirituality, psychology, and helping people grow into their full potential. I had to follow what was calling me, so I separated from the Air Force and moved to the Bay Area to continue my education and figure out how to become a coach. In 2015, after signing up for a year-long counseling/coaching training, my dad passed away suddenly. I had a lot of stuff to work through once I began peer counseling! I began to understand trauma and healing on a personal level.

In 2019, I started attending Pacifica Graduate Institute—on my way to having a masters degree in Depth Psychology with a concentration in Jungian & Archetypal Studies. I’m currently on a year-long break, with only three quarters left to complete my masters! Here I learned about the nature of the psyche (i.e., how we get stuck in specific complexes, what dreams can tell us, and how we make meaning).

I didn’t want to be a just a counselor and my education in Depth Psychology doesn’t set me up specifically for a career, so I searched for a coaching program that would align with my way of seeing the world and provide guidance in one-on-one work. I discovered Coach Training World, a 125-hour ICF/ACTP-accredited training program with a requirement of 40 hours of coaching outside of the training to become a whole person certified coach.

Whole Person Coaching® Philosophy

The Whole Person Coaching methodology is firmly rooted in four distinct yet interrelated fundamental principles. Each principle offers guidance related to the nature and phenomena of your journey to wholeness, vitality, balance and life-fulfillment. They guide you to recognize and understand the deeper dimensions and processes at work when it comes to creating sustainable positive change in yourself.

The foundational principles are:

• Wholeness: You are whole, completely resourceful and self-innovative
• Empowerment: You lead the way
• Interdependence: Our process is co-creative and generative
• Self-Mastery: As your coach I’m devoted to learn, grow and offer you my very best self

Wholeness: You are whole, completely resourceful and self-innovative

As a Whole Person Coach, you can count on me to:

• Witness, trust and respect you as whole and unique individual; you are a resourceful person who possesses everything you need to successfully create and navigate change on their own behalf.
• Engage all aspects of you as a whole person – mental, emotional, physical, social and spiritual – to elicit the wisdom and inspiration that resides within you.
• Invite you to recognize the interrelated nature of all aspects of your life, and to examine the links and interactions between your relationships, career, identity, health, finances, and other motivating factors.

Empowerment: You leads the way

As a Whole Person Coach, you can count on me to:

• Seek direction and your feedback to align the coaching process to your needs and desired outcome.
• Trust and allow you to solve your own problems and create your own opportunities.
• Cultivate a life- and self-affirming environment for you such that you feel safe to freely contribute and authentically express your true nature.
• Sustain a not-knowing, curious mindset that is unattached and expectation-free of you, your process and desired outcome.

Synergy (Interdependence): Our process is co-creative and generative

As a Whole Person Coach, you can count on me to:

• Offer a highly collaborative, generative partnership that builds upon the your strengths, resources, assets and personal power and to encourage your best self to shine.
• Authentically and whole-heartedly share observations and perspectives to create a positive impact while inviting you to do the same.
• Leverage the power of the coaching relationship to promote learning, growth and positive change, from a place of openness, truth and compassion.

Self-Mastery: As your coach I’m devoted to learn, grow and offer you my very best self

As a Whole Person Coach, you can count on me to:

• Devote myself to continued self-development as needed, including professional accreditation, advanced training, and lifelong learning. This may include mentorship to ensure that I’m bringing my best to our interactions and coaching experience.
• Effectively manage my own reactions and internal story to be fully present and supportive of your needs.
• Address any challenges or issues with professional support that could impact my ability to bring out my best in service to your needs.

If you’re interested in how I can support you in stepping into your next-level self, let’s chat! I offer a free 45min discovery call to explore what I could do for you in holistic transformative coaching. Bring your questions and come as you are. To book your free call click here. If you need more information on my approach to coaching click here.

much love,
Kristina

Have you seen life coaches around on the internet and wondered what the heck do they do? In this post, I’m going to go through what happens in a coaching session and what makes a great coach, so you can walk away knowing what coaching is. Toward the end, I’ll give you my perspective behind coaching.

Don’t listen to the person that has the answers; listen to the person who has the questions. – Albert Einstein

What is Coaching?

It is a space for a lot of things to happen like:

• holding compassion for the parts of yourself that need it oh so badly
• getting to the bottom of the issue at hand
• untangling your repetitive patterns
• seeing through the stories you tell about yourself and others
• reimagining what is possible
• receiving support and accountability as you make changes in your life

All of these happen through the coach facilitating exploration and holding space for what comes through.

Don’t get me wrong, coaching is a skill you learn, but a great coach is all about how one shows up in a session. One important quality of a coach is they hold the belief that change is possible for the client, even if the client can’t see it themselves. This core belief is what the rest of coaching sits on. Also, you want a coach who is curious and genuinely interested. It is through powerful questioning, listening, and reflecting that clients are able to discover more about their situation.

Don’t forget, coaches are human being too; they have faults and flaws. A great coach acknowledges them when they come up and repairs any damage that occurred.

All of the ways a coach shows up builds trust in the coaching relationship. When the client begins to see that the coach is there for their own wellbeing, personal guards can be let down.

Anything can happen through trust by leveraging all of your resources—emotional, physical, mental, social, and even spiritual—toward the pursuit of that which you want in life.

My Coaching Perspective

The perspective I hold behind what I do in coaching comes from my own struggles in life and what has brought me healing, peace, and joy.

To start, since this tends to be what holds many people back, you are so capable and have so much to give! Building up our self-efficacy, self-esteem, and self-worth is often needed.

From here, we then come across the dilemma of what do I really want to do, and what do I have to give (who I am).

We all want to live a life that lights us up. We want to feel good. We want to do work that is meaningful, sustainable, and aligns with our values. We want to be a person who makes some kind of difference, some kind of impact even if that is just to one person, one animal, one component of a system, whatever you desire to impact. I believe we can have these things. Of course, such is life; It is not all rainbows and butterflies, but we can learn how to come back to feeling good more frequently. 

It is through untangling our inner world that we then see our external world falling into place. Here we find ourselves aligning with soul.

Okay, Kristina you lost me….

What is Soul?

I use the term soul to encompass aspects of the self we can’t quite put our finger, that component of otherness – “not I” – that we experience in our lives.

We experience soul in our bodies.

We glimpse it in in altered states.

We feel it in heart-moving moments.

It shocks us with knowing that feels as if it came from somewhere else.

Soul is the experience of awe. It is there in the “holy shit this is better than I could have ever imagined” moments.

Soul is also a way of looking at what has happened, is happening, and will happen in our lives. It is a perspective that provides meaning.

If soul is anything concrete it is spirit in matter.  We don’t transcend our issues, drama, pain. We go into them. Spirit is here, not somewhere beyond or above.

The prefix psyche in psychology means soul in greek. This concept goes back to the start of western civilization.

It is a term for powers that are beyond our control. Psyche encompasses both consciousness and unconsciousness. There will always be things that we are unconscious of, thus there will always be powers that influence our lives that we are not aware of.

So back to coaching, a whole person approach involves leveraging the whole self (the heart, the mind, the gut) to move through life aligned with soul. So you are working with what you are made of, not against it.

This approach to coaching allows healing to occur while you are working through what you want to change in your life. I provide the space for deep inner work so you can get back to living your life.

Come get individualized coaching with me, if you’re feeling the call to transform pain, open possibilities, and live on purpose.

Let’s dive in!

much love,
kristina