So you didn’t do what you wanted to do today. You slacked off, lost track of time, let other people’s needs have your attention. When I say want to do today, I’m talking about the things you know will move you forward in a goal. Yeah, those things you should do a little bit of every day to inch you closer to your dreams. When it comes to changing our actions, no matter how simple they may seem, it is hard. We come up against excuses, fears, limiting beliefs, and doubts. They all work to ultimately protect us but they hinder change.
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Excuses
You could have put them off for a slew of reasons. These may be true, but most of the time they are excuses. They are the product of your brain rationalizing why you can’t or shouldn’t do the thing you want to.
- I don’t have enough energy
- I don’t know how to start
- I can do it tomorrow
- I don’t know how to manage my time
- Someone else needed my time & energy
- I’m not ready
Feeling Uncomfortable
When we undergo change, it is quite uncomfortable for us. Even when we know that doing something will help us in our future logically, many unconscious attributes are stopping us from changing. Things like fears, doubts, limiting beliefs, and patterns of being and doing in the world affect us in ways we often don’t realize.
Fears
- you are afraid you will make a fool out of yourself
- you are afraid it will be hard
- you are afraid you will fail
- you are afraid your life will change
- you are afraid you will succeed
Fears can be easier than others to recognize then let’s say limiting beliefs. But don’t get wrong, they are still sly. They can hold you back, and if not checked they can be the grounding for your rationalizing the opposite of what you truly want.
Doubts
Doubts can be harmful because they are pulling back our intent, our energy toward that which we really do want or need to change. When we do not fully commit to something, there is the possibility that we will give our energy to something else. This quote says it impeccably:
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s
~William Hutchinson Murrayfavour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”
Limiting Beliefs
- People who have money are greedy
- People who own a business have no personal time
- People who are fit are always dieting and can never indulge
- If I’m a happy person, then I can never show any dark emotions
- People who are light-hearted and funny, don’t care about anything
As you can see from this list, beliefs can be all-encompassing, stereotypical, and very black & white. When you hold a view that is like this, it hinders you because you fear that will be the truth for you.
For example, you have a strong belief that greed is one of the leading problems in our world. Then let’s say when you were a child your parents always justified their low income because they believed it was humbling. They didn’t care about having a lot of money; they didn’t want to be like all those rich people who were destroying the world. Now as an adult, you don’t understand why you can’t save and get past a certain income bracket. Well ta-da… you have a belief that is preventing you from having money (and being greedy).
Moving Through Change
Let’s get one thing straight here, you can’t fix these things. Yup, let that sink in. Attempting to fix so-called “problems” is like putting a bandaid over a deep cut that really needs some stitches. You must do the work, mending as you go.
You are made up of everything from your past—all your experiences, trauma, failures, and accomplishments. You carry them with you. Now how you interpret, use them, and deem important to your identity are up to you. Change is a process, like everything else in life. Learn to love the processes, and you will begin to love life.
Bumps In The Road
Forgive yourself.
You are only human. Everyone fails, fears, and screws up.
Don’t make it mean something about you.
Sure you did or didn’t do something, but that doesn’t mean you are a certain type of person. Feel the guilt and devise a plan of action for next time when excuses, fears, or doubts come creeping in.
What You Can Do
Plan of Action Before Excuses Come Up
Since you know certain excuses will come up, you can devise a plan for when they do. For example:
- you always feel like you don’t have enough energy, so plan to do whatever it is in the morning so you can’t use that excuse.
- you are afraid you will fail, so write out on a piece of paper, It doesn’t matter if I fail or succeed I am doing this because it is something my heart desires.
The 5-Second Rule
This strategy was created by Mel Robbins. It helps me when I’m caught making excuses or doubting myself. Whenever you have the thought to do something you know you need to do to better your life start counting down: 5,4,3,2,1. After you say one, don’t think about it anymore and just start. Action can stop the excuses and doubt in their tracks, losing the power they have over you.
Write It Out – Bringing Fears & Limiting Beliefs to the Light
- Write out how you feel about the subject you are having trouble acting on. How does it make you feel? Do you have any fears or hopes around it? What are some beliefs you have about the people who do it or have it? How do your parents feel about the subject? —This might help you become aware of the fears and beliefs that could be holding you back.
- Now, are these fears true? Do you really believe them in your heart? Sometimes we can fear something because we have a belief supporting it. Your fear may be real but is the belief true? Is there any way that it can be not true? Can you think of an example of why it is not true?
- Write out why it is not true on a piece of paper you can see regularly.
Be realistic in the process of change, this doesn’t mean ditch the dream. Keep it dear to your heart while you are stumbling. Let it be your compass!
Much Love,
Kristina